Why I will always choose love
It's 2.30 am and I'm laying awake thinking poetic thoughts again, my stories run rampant at this hour. By light of my dim salt lamp I fumbled for my journal and scratch away my innermost feelings, this one feels like it's for you as well as for me. So here was born my first blog post!
When you contemplate if you made the right choices along your journey of life, I want you to consider this...
Love is always the best option. If you have a choice, choose love.
I want to share with you some of my story. I'm often plagued by the fact that I was once much further along my path to my dream career. 10 years ago I was studying full-time on campus towards completing my Bachelor of Health Science Naturopathy and now when I'm struggling to find the time to study amongst being a working mum and a wife, I look back and think... Wow, I had it so easy back then! Why did I stop? How silly of me to give it away back then when life was so carefree!
I could have devoted my early twenties to my degree and by now I could be successful in my field. BUT... I remember back to that time. I remember my journals, and how I poured my soul into letter after letter to the universe. Begging for someone to LOVE.
"I have so much love to give"
"If only you could bring me someone worthy of receiving me for who I am"
"I need someone to love me back 110% I won't accept less anymore!"
I remember finding my match. After a late shift working as a waitress at the pancake parlour, I was drinking alone online at 2am. Trawling Myspace for people 'online in Australia' looking for someone interesting out in the world for me to talk to. I found him there and we were both alone with our darkness.
Sharing similar interests and favourite bands I nagged at him to talk to me and overtime I craved our long conversations daily. Finally, someone who would listen to me with an honest open heart and mind.
I remember talking to a girlfriend of mine about my options available on the guy front, they were bleak. "I've found my perfect guy, he just lives in Queensland" I told her. "Well that's pointless!" she laughed, "You'd have to leave everything behind and start over to go there..."
So I asked If I could come visit. He lived with his mum in Brisbane, a long way from me in Melbourne. After some web chats with our mums by our sides I set off for a week in Brisbane to go and meet my 'xxHELLRAISERxx.'
It was so out of character for me to take such a risk. So many of my closest friends had their doubts that I would commit to the trip. I remember my mum telling me that she wasn't happy about me going but she knew I would go with or without her approval so she figured it would be better to offer me support instead. I hope I'm that supportive of my girls as they grow into themselves.
I remember the plane trip from Melbourne. Telling myself over and over almost as a chant in my head "I love you Dania, If nothing comes of this it will be a great adventure" As a 20 year old without much exposure to the world so far, THIS WAS HUGE.
So after spending the week together, I knew my intuition had me on the right track. Going back home I felt so empty. I couldn't bare to bring an end to that chapter in my life. It was time to make a huge decision, yet it felt so easy to decide.
I just had to do go.
I could keep studying, I'd get a unit and a job and I'd make it work. Sure I would miss my family and my friends. But they'll always love me right? Well the important ones stick around, even if not in the spotlight they will remain. I've learnt that with this shift anyway.
Living away from home life's pressures hit hard. Uni got paused in favour of finding more work, enough to support me out of home. A Massive thank you to Sherry, without Jarryds mum being so supportive of me I would not have been able to stay.
We complemented each other perfectly, his seemingly dark brooding nature fit snuggly against my earthy faerie soul. We healed each other. Whilst my life that I thought I had mapped out so clearly before was 'paused' I unwrapped new meaning to my life as we didn't do much but spend our time just together.
So while I will always advise - if you get the chance to follow love - Do it! I have the most supportive and loving relationship and I am so happy that he is the father to my girls. There needs to come a time when you 'unpack' yourself from your box. From the life that you paused for the sake of getting wrapped up in love. If you have followed the right person down that garden path then you'll find that they will happily help you unpack yourself.
By this I mean getting back to your dreams and aspirations. The right person will want that for you as much as you do for yourself - Because it makes you happy - And it makes you that person that they fell in love with from the beginning.
So here I am, as happy as can be, struggling my way through my degree 10 years down the track but filled with a passion to be me and supported - so so supported to be my true me.
If you get the choice, choose love.